My Cookies Are Wet

I'm drunk.  I don't mean tipsy or buzzed or even squirrely, I am drunk. 

I'm not much of a drinker.  Some of my upcoming stories may imply otherwise, but really, any drinking was a phase, and not even a particularly long one.  Every now and then I'll have a drink or two, and that's usually enough to get me almost drunk.  Today, I drank the whole six pack, plus, in a move that I'm deeply regretting, a couple of those tiny bottles of liqueur that I was given for Christmas. The huzz is home and the kid was asleep when I started, so I figured it would be cool.  Kid ended up waking up, but that's okay too, because I always knew we had a TV for a reason.

She's watching Hello Kitty.  I caught a clip where some cat said, ""We do it in the upright position! Not on our backs!"  What's her beef with missionary?  Also, the child and I just had a debate on threatening vs. non-threatening toys.  She showed up with one of her creepy babies.  It only has hair along the part lines, and huge bald spots if you take out her braids.  She also sings To Grandmother's House We Go.  The absolute last thing I need is to wake up half hungover, the creepy doll's whiny voice in my ear and bald spot nuzzled against my cheek.  That's the stuff nightmares are made of.


"No. Choose a non-threatening toy."  The sound is drippy and somewhat slurred.  She returns with another, only slightly less creepy baby.  This one has a heartbeat.  "Honey, a non-threatening toy.  Please!"


After two more attempts, and much insistence that her babies are not going to chew my face off in my sleep, she finally settled on a couple Flynn and Rapunzel and Yogi Bear.  More toys than I like in my bed (that number is zero) but none of them talk or sing or blink their eyes, so it's an acceptable trade.  Now she's all tucked in and I hope the movies keep her awake long enough to want to sleep in.  We're trying to get her into her own bed, so I'm pretty sure letting her stay in ours is a bad move, but I don't so much care at the moment.


All in all it's been a awesome night.  I'm still fuzzy, but the room has stopped spinning.  I had egg rolls and fried rice and decent sex and spectacular company.  I got some things out that I really needed to get out.  I'm fairly certain I said some things that will fill me with shame and regret tomorrow (likely including this post) but now that they're out, perhaps I can begin to process them.  Which would be fantastic.  I really hold things in way too much.  Also, I promised to tell the story of the first time I attempted to give a blowjob, but I'm about to pass out, and frankly, I couldn't give that story the justice it deserves right now anyway.


Right now, I think I need to do this more often.  We'll see how I feel about that tomorrow.  Probably not so much.  Right now, I know I have the most amazingly fantastic awesome sauce covered friends in the world--and tomorrow that won't change.  Oh, and better posting when I'm sober.